How can I complain about my life when there are people out there who have it so much harder than I do?

How can I say that my life is ending because of some stupid job when I know of a person who is struggling to stay alive for the next 13 months?

How can I think that I won't make it out of this mess when there are people many many miles away from home who are in a mess and trying to fix it and trying to make it out alive?

Right now, I feel like my life is in such a mess...a mess that I obviously put myself in and now I'm frantically trying to fix it up. I've got so much pride that I won't even stop and ask for help. I feel like I've wasted away a little over 7 years of my life, working at something that would just end up slipping through my fingers. I don't even know when things started to spiral downhill for me. I don't even know what I want for my life anymore. Things were so much simplier before. I wish that I could just get a break....that big break to do what I truly want in my life. To own my own business...planning, coordinating and managing events.

I don't know what to do....but what I can't help but listen to is Miley Cyrus' song "The Climb". Check out the lyrics and tell me what you think.

I can almost see it
That dream I'm dreaming but
There's a voice inside my head sayin'
You'll never reach it,
Every step I'm taking
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking but I
Got to keep trying
Got to keep my head held high

There's always going to be another mountain
I'm always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes I'm going to have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's on the other side
It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes they might knock me down but
No I'm not breaking
I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I'm going to remember most yeah
Just got to keep going
And I
Got to be strong
Just keep pushing on
Cause

There's always going to another mountain
I'm always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle
Sometimes I'm going to have to lose
Aint how fast I get there
Aint about what's on the other side
It's the climb

-Miley Cyrus

Halt

I feel like my life is suddenly on hold. Well, I mean like I'm not moving forward as fast as I would like to be moving. People all around me...those my age anyways....I feel like they're getting to the next stage in their lives....marriage. I mean don't get me wrong, so much is slowly starting to happen for me but I feel like I'm still 5 stages away from that.

Time is moving fast and yet I still find myself at the same spot. Time is moving and then I look back and I realize that I haven't seen or heard from anyone in so long. I haven't spoken or seen my "best" friend in what seems like a long time. I know she's got her own thing going on right now but I remember all the "us" times we use to have. We always made it a point to go out once a week to just reconnect.

Perhaps my moving away won't be such a bad thing. Perhaps I need this experience to mature even more. Perhaps this will let me appreciate all the things whether big or small I had in my life more.

Argghhh.....I hate it when I get all nostalgic and get all thinking about serious stuff.

See you another time.

Can I make it somewhere else?

It's the Easter weekend and I have had a wonderful long weekend so far. I spent it with my family. So being that there was no work on Friday...and it being Good Friday...I just stayed home and pondered and thought and thought.

Saturday rolled around and I get a call from work. "arrgghh" I'm thinking in my head. I don't pick it up and let my voicemail pick up the call. I listened to the message and it's my boss. "Um, Richelle did you apply for a job in BC and not tell me? The hiring person called and left me a message and wants me to call him back. Call me". I never thought that I would get a phone call back from BC because this is probably like the third job that I've posted for in BC and never got a call back but rather a short and sweet email stating that they already had a list of candidates for the position. So I call up the Boss Lady and tell her that yes I did apply but never really thought that they would call.

Some background information: So, I have been thinking for a long time now (I'm sure I have a blog somewhere about it) about moving to BC. Although, I don't know how much I'd like it...but there's something there that continues to call me to go there. I think it's coming up probably a year that I started thinking about it. I've talked to my parents about it...and my dad is "go ahead and try it...you never know"...whereas my mom is "why do you want to move so far away? what about your nephews?"

So my boss calls the manager back around 8 am PST which is 11 am EST. I talk to her and he's asking her "how soon are you willing to let her go? Is she looking to relocate? etc etc". It sounds pretty good so far right? Well, now I have to wait and see. I have a phone interview with him on Tuesday. But I also have an interview for the same position on Wednesday for a branch in Scarborough.

Now all I keep thinking about it is....can I really leave everything behind and start new? I was getting all nostalgic about my room! I just got it repainted about 2 years ago and finally fully furnished just recently. Hmmm...silly of me to be worrying about a bedroom...when I know that it will still be here should I decide to return. What do you guys think? I can also think of this as an experience of me moving to another country to teach like so many people I know do.

I'm so worried about not making it over there....not being able to stand on my own two feet. I'd probably get a second job just to make sure. People here have told me that they'd hook me up with some of their friends there so that I'm not so alone. (which is a nice gesture...thanks Neil!).

No more family near me...no more friends....no more old coworkers....Thinking too much when nothing is definite yet. Just felt like letting it all out.

What do you guys think??

Update: I asked my sister's friend her opinion of the decision to move and this is what she had to say:

"do it especially if you get the job. it is like what bon jovi says...you can always go back home. but why not. while there is no serious attachments go and experience life somewhere else. good or bad, hard or easy it is an experience that makes you stronger and well you learn from it. Bonus that you have a job to go to, too"

Happy now?

It's 3 in the morning...and here I am finding myself blogging. I suppose the reason why I'm blogging is because earlier I was on FB and saw a picture that reminded me of how cruel some people can be. I've totally tried to brush things off but seeing that picture and the names below it brought back the anger...ok maybe not anger but the feeling of bother in the pit of my stomach.

So, I finally found out why that friend was mad at me...and ok, I understand the whole initial reason for being mad but the whole cancelling on the trip thing was a little over reaction. I can't believe how my cancelling on a trip that was never booked (in terms of a flight) caused a chain reaction of this person's action and how it brought back to this person something so irrelevant. First of all, I gave plenty of notice to cancel the trip...almost 3 months notice. Secondly, I offered taking the trip the following week but I was told that they weren't able to take time off. Only I found out...actually...let me rephrase it...it was rubbed in my face and broadcasted to all those on MSN that they were going on a trip the week that they supposedly couldn't take time off! (And I'm the one who started blogging for all to see...and that's why you blocked me?) Thirdly, I never would have told any of our mutual friends not to invite you anywhere (but you did...and you included in there a totally innocent person who has nothing to do with our fight)

So all those times knowing that you were mad at me...I still made attempts at contacting you via MSN...and you chose to ignore them. Mutual friends invited you to things and you always had an excuse to not come because you couldn't out right say you were mad at me. After all the attempts I made to still be your friend and talk to you...I finally gave up. I deleted and blocked you on MSN when I soon discovered you had blocked me. And now you're saying that you needed time and you made an attempt to contact me. When? When someone passes away? Is that what it takes to finally put our differences aside...a person's life? I still wanted to be your friend when there were people telling me that I shouldn't even care about you anymore. I still included you in the emails when our mutual friends were getting together because I knew that despite how much you hated me it was the right thing to do. Oh and by the way, thanks for not including me in sending off a gift to a friend's baby.

So there, it's finally out in the open...you've finally heard my side. And it sucks that it has to be this way...but I don't know how else to tell you this. You really hurt me. Can we still be friends? I don't know. Will I ever be able to face you and talk to you? I don't know. I'll make things easier for you and for our mutual friends who are stuck in the middle of things. I won't show up to anything. I'm sure they've already heard your side...and I'm sure they have their reservations about me thanks to you. I'd rather not be put at odds or feel like I don't belong so it's best that I keep my distance. I don't want to have to pretend that I'm happy being around. I'm sure you're happy now that I'm out of the picture.

OMG...I'm one of those girl girls!

So, I've been sick for a few days...a really bad COLD. I think I got it from my dad or is it my mom who got it from my dad. Whomever I got it from...THANKS....NOT!

So today was my Daddy's birthday and despite feeling sick, we all went out for some sushi at Yang's! I haven't been there in so long...and nothing really has changed except I couldn't get any Japanese Seaweed Salad because it's only offered for dinner. So after lunch, we dropped by a few places before heading to Yorkdale Mall. I really wanted to go to that mall because I was in search of something...a wallet to be exact. I wanted to pick up a wallet so badly since late last night when I first started searching the internet for this particular one.

Ok...so some background information on the kind of wallet I wanted to get. For Christmas, my Mommy gave me a brand new purse. A few months before the holidays, we had gone to Yorkdale and I spotted this bag and from that day forward I wanted it so badly. But the price tag was preventing me from buying it right then and there. My mom being the mom that she is decided to surprise me and get it for my Christmas gift. I absolutely loved it. Up to that point, all I have eyed before was Coach purchases. So anyways, I try my best to coordinate my bags with a matching wallet. However, since this was given to me as a gift I never really got around to getting the matching wallet. Until last night, when I decided it was necessary for me to go to the Michael Kors website and look up to see the matching wallet to go with my purse. Keep in mind, that I had fallen asleep literally from about 5pm until 10 pm because I was so sick. You can imagine how awake I was at that point.

So, it was late in the evening...past 1 am because I had stayed up with my dad watching Fool's Gold. I actually enjoyed the movie. Ok, back to the wallet. I went onto the Michael Kors website and started looking for the Austin collection. Oh no...it seems like the website wasn't carry the collection anymore. So then I used the trusty GOOGLE search engine and started searching for "Michael Kors wallet + austin". And then I finally came across the image of the wallet I wanted to get because it would match the purse. But I couldn't find it anywhere...so I decided at that point that I would go to Yorkdale Mall and check out the Michael Kors store there in case they would have it in stock. So after lunch, my dad agreed to take my mom and I to Yorkdale Mall. I went straight for the store and started to search. I asked the first sales lady if they had any of the Austin zip wallets and she said no. Can you possibly imagine how disappointed I was. But then I saw this other wallet from the Astor collection and thought it wouldn't be so bad that I could live with it. It would be a whole lot better than pulling out my black Coach collection series wallet from my MK purse. But I didn't decide right away, so my mom and I perused through the store at the bags and shoes/sandals they had.

Then I came across the sunglasses section and took a peek at what style I could get. And I came across a pair that I absolutely adore. They look almost like the ones in the picture to the right but they were all black...but I'm also looking for a pair of brown ones too. My mom even liked them on me. So after being helped by Hannah with the sunglasses, I spotted a wallet...but only this one was in navy blue but looked like the exact one I wanted. Hannah let me know that it had come in black as well but they didn't have any in the store at the moment and they weren't sure what they would be getting in the next shipment. So what Hannah was so kind enough to do for me was to order in one from Montreal. So hopefully by mid week, I'll have in my possession the wallet that I want so much.

So, having left the store with nothing, we decided we would call it a day since the mall was closing at 6pm. Along the way, I stopped by at Bath and Body Works (they finally have it here in Canada! woohoo!) to look for a purse size hand cream in Black Berry and Vanilla scent. But they too didn't have what I was looking for. So, we finally were making our way to the parking when I decided to take a look at the MAC store to see the new Hello Kitty line of cosmetics they have for a limited time. When I was younger, I absolutely loved all things Hello Kitty. I would pick lots and lots of stuff from the Philippines that had anything to do with Hello Kitty...heck Sanrio for that matter! So I decided to pick up one of the blush po

wders and the finishing powder from the collection.

I'm absolutely in love with this line. I want to pick up a few more of the things they have. But it seems like it's such a popular Limited Edition line because even on the website (http://www.maccosmetics.ca/) things are already sold out! I want to pick up one of the cute Hello Kitty make up cases, one of the lipglass, oooo...and I so want to own the Limited Edition Hello Kitty compact that has the Kitty herself on the front made from Swarovski crystals! And I even saw that MAC had some Hello Kitty essential make up brushes that came in a cute Hello Kitty head container. And they have the cutest Hello Kitty compact mirror or mirror on a key chain! How cute is that?!? And on top of that if you purchase from the Hello Kitty line, they pack it for you in a Reusable Hello Kitty MAC bag!

That pretty much sums up my day and how I didn't realize how much of a girlie girl I am! Oh, and I can't wait until the warmer weather is here. It's pedicure season time soon and open toe shoes! Woohoo!

Com-pla-cent
(as defined by the Merrian-Webster online dictionary http://www.merriam-webster.com/)
Adj. to please greatly

My horoscope said that "becoming too complacent in your daily routine is not wise for your career growth". Ok I thought, interesting that my horoscope came at a time like this in my life where I'm at a crossroad in my career life. The current economic times are making it very difficult for many businesses that they have begun letting people go. At my work, it seems like business has slowed down once again since the RRSP season ended only a few days ago. For a few months now, I have been contemplating what it is that I wanted to do next with my life. I'm no longer enjoying what I'm doing anymore. My motivation has totally been robbed of me. The goals are unrealistic and some of the people I work with have become too much for me to handle. I don't want to scam in order to survive. I want to do things the right way.

Anyways back to the horoscope...I thought about it and yeah maybe I try to please others too much. I went about my morning routine preparing for work and as I was driving into work I turned on the radio. And the first thing I heard when I turned it on was the word "Complacent". It's like it was all over reminding me to not be too nice.

Anyhoo, I have a vacation day tomorrow and I'm going to enjoy it...and then I have a two day course that ends at 6:30 pm on Saturday. I can't wait...I'm excited to complete this certificate program.

Right Brain vs Left Brain

Woah, didn't realize it's been a while since i "blogged" in here. Got so busy with RRSP season at work. Too much drama happening in that place. Can't wait to persure my dreams of making it big in the world in something I truly enjoy doing.

The other day I had an interesting conversation with one of my customers and somehow we got into talking about using "Right brain" vs "Left brain". And I told her I enjoy doing alot of arts and crafts sorta thing and she mentioned that she's more number oriented. They say that some people are more dominant in one brain over the other. But it is not necessary to be dominant in either sides of the brain, because there people who are balanced in both sides of their brain. I went online and researched to see which side of the brain I was more dominant in. I took a "test" and it seem that although I scored higher in being "Right brain" dominant, I wasn't that far from also being "Left brain" dominant. So, I guess a bit of both sides of the brain.

Take the test and tell me how you did: http://www.angelfire.com/wi/2brains/

Reason, Season and Lifetime

Reason, Season and Lifetime
..
People always come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.
When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.
..
When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty,
or to provide you with guidance and support,
to aid you physically, emotionally, or even spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend to you, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.
...
Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
...
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they just walk away.
Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on.
...
When people come into your life for a SEASON,
it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn.
They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.
And like Spring turns to Summer and Summer to Fall,
the season eventually ends.
...
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person/people (anyway);
and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas in your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
Thank you for being part of my life.
...

This is a poem that I always keep in the back of my mind. I seem to always refer to this poem to reflect on my past friendships/relationships with people. And today I felt the need to blog about it and reflect and contemplate on what I could have done differently to possibly make those "reason", "season" friends into Lifetime friends.

I'm not into the notion of knowing a huge amount of people and expect to call them all my friends. Cause let's be realistic, they're not. I'll admit, I do know an amount of people but there are only a number of them that I can really call my true friends. They are the people that in my darkest days are trying to lift me up and make things seem brighter. They are the ones that will try to understand me and where I am coming from and will not hold a grudge against me. They are the people that I unwillingly am able to confide in with all my deepest of secrets.

Several months ago, I don't even know how to describe exactly what happened because I'm not even sure to this day what happened. But in any case, a person whom years ago I thought would be a part of my life for a lifetime became upset with me and my decisions. And to this day, half a year later...we're still not even speaking to one another. It is such a shame how things ended and how there are people in both of our lives that I guess you would say is caught between us. In all honesty, I really don't think I did anything wrong or made the wrong decision. But obviously you felt that I did to cause you to make the decisions that you made following our talk. I'm sorry you even felt that way to act the way you did to me. I never would have expected that behaviour from you. And it really hurt me but what can I do now. What's done is done. Maybe if I made myself more clear you would have understood my stance. But I think you were thinking more of yourself than you were of anyone else. I will admit, I was bitter towards you during those times, but bitterness will not get me anywhere so I decided to accept things and move on. I have no regrets for the friendship we had and I'm really glad to have known a person like you. All I can do is wish you well and nothing but happiness for your future. And to my friends caught between us, I'm really sorry that things are this way. I hope you guys will understand...and perhaps down the road, things will get better.

The other day I forgot my Blackberry @ home because I was rushing to get to work. And can I tell you, I debated the entire drive to work, whether or not to turn the car around and get it. I opted not to go back because I was already running behind schedule and just headed to work. Can I tell you, I felt so lost without my phone. I kept saying to myself "No biggie Richelle, it's just one day. It'll be fine."

I can't believe how dependent I am to my phone. And to think, I use to be ok without my regular cell phone when I use to forget it. But now that I have a Blackberry, it's like I'm so disconnected from the world. I don't have access to my emails, my phonebook (I hardly memorize people's numbers), MSN messenger or even get updates from Facebook.

How much things have changed over the years. It use to be that without a cell phone or internet, I would have long meaningful conversations with my friends after school. And then pagers slowly crept up into the scene. Remember getting "paged" messages from your friends using the numbers to write out the words (i.e. 121643773=Richelle, 177855179=wassup, 99=night night etc). Then came the cell phones...those super huges ones that I swear are way more sturdy than the current ones. Then the cell phones had texting....and then internet...and then video calling. Long conversations have now been replaced by short and frequent texting, or emailing or chatting online on our phones.

That's all for now.

Wannabe Photographer

This weekend I spent time with my family and then on Monday hung out with my cousins and friends. On Monday, I wanted to practice using my "new" DSLR camera. So, we decided that we'd have a photoshoot (somewhat) at Too Good Pond in Unionville, Markham. The sun was shining and there was lots of people there.

So, here I was an amateur photographer learning about Aperture, F-Stop, white balance, etc. Things were going over my head, but still took some photos and tried to get a hang of things. Some photos you couldn't make out because I didn't make adjustments, some of them my models or subjects were too dark. I suppose in time and with alot of practice and patience, I will get the hang of it and eventually come out with some decent photos. This year, I will spend time on familiarizing myself with all the terminology and just have FUN!

Now all I need is a new laptop or computer...looking at buying a Mac. Oh the possibilities with that. I could really use it to fix up some of my photos and even start designing some greeting cards. I've got all these dreams and things I want to do with my life, but I'm so limited.

Dreams can turn into reality and I'm hoping that all of mine will. Currently, I'm working towards completing my Event Management Certificate with the George Washington University but I'm taking it through Ryerson's Ted Rogers School of Business. Definitely, something I'm really looking forward to doing in the future-planning & coordinating events.

Nothing but a book in hand

Inspired by a fellow blogger, I've decided to get back in touch with one of my favourite past times:reading. Since I was young, reading has always been one of my passions. I couldn't go out and not come back home with a brand new book. It's still the same thing today. I absolutely love the way even books look lined up together on a shelf. Weird huh? Well, if ever and when I purchase my first home, I want to have a library with all my books. It actually pains me to think that over the years, I've had to give up some of my books because I simply did not have the space for all of them.

A month ago, I read the entire Twilight series in a two week period. I couldn't put the book down. Day and I night I was enchanted by the love story between Edward and Isabella. So here is my list of the books I have lined up to read in the next few months.

• The Pilgrimage-Paulo Coelho


• The Alchemist- Paulo Coelho


• A Thousand Splendid Suns - Khaled Hosseini


• Slumdog Millionaire- Vikas Swarup


• The Curious Case of Benjamin Button- F. Scott Fitzgerald


• Marley & Me - John Grogan

All I need now is warmer weather, the blazing sun, a cool ice coffee drink and a seat by the lake.

A fresh new start

Well, I've decided to start fresh with my blogging and so here I am. I hope to keep this more up to date than my previous blog sites. I'm looking forward to utilizing this avenue of communication to its full potential. It's kinda funny if you think about the different ways we keep people "posted" about our lives. Some of us are on Twitter...Facebook...Friendster...MySpace. And all of this can be updated from the convenience of our Blackberry/iPhones. There is pleasure in allowing people into our personal lives...and alternatively, people find pleasure in watching our lives unfold for the world.

This is my life journey...my work in progress life story. Totally unscripted and real life.

Enjoy!