It's been quite some time since I last blogged in here. I suppose with all the hustle and bustle of the summer season and the stresses of work has finally caught up with me. Nothing much has really happened since I last blogged. Well, I guess alot of changes at work...with the boss not being there and all the anxiety of what is going to happen next to everyone. I've just been trying to do my job...and go home and forget about work when I'm at home.

So last weekend, I saw Transformers 2 with my nephew at a theatre in Woodbridge (I live in Scarborough). It's a good 30 mins drive I would estimate. It was a busy weekend with it being the opening weekend for Transformers. Anyhoo, let me tell you it's quite difficult to go to the movies on your own with a 6 year old child! I wanted us to grab our seats before it got too busy but I had to worry about getting the snacks too! So I made the executive decision to get ourselves seats and then I would leave him (instructing him to not talk to anyone except to tell them that the seat was taken) and go out and get our snacks. As I was waiting in line...I kept worrying about him sitting by himself in the theatre. Is this how a parent feels like? I didn't want to leave him....but he wanted to eat something. After the movie, he wanted to play some video games and being that I felt like spoiling him, I let him. After his game was done I said it was time to go home. We drove to a BK in Markham to see if they had any of the toys for the kids meal and it was only then that I realized I had lost my wallet. Panic stricken I told him we had to leave and go back to the theatres! We got there, and I searched where I thought it would be but had no luck. I went to see if anyone had turned it in....but no one did. I was so upset with myself. My poor nephew felt bad that he even insisted that we call the police or try to return something so that his Tita would have some money. Shortly after we got home, our house phone rings. It was someone who had found my wallet and searched our number in the phone directory. I was so relieved. Good people still exist in this world. I couldn't believe that someone had found my wallet and was calling me to let me know. I picked it up the very next day.

So, I've been thinking alot lately about my life and the direction it's going or the lack of. Sure, I work...but I still have debts that I want to get rid of before 30. I have this desire to start my own business but with full time work, it almost seems impossible. I've lost some friends along the way. It hurts...err...makes me sad to think about it but I don't know if after all this time can it go back to the way it use to be. It's been almost 1 whole year since I've seen or spoken to Rachel. I don't want to admit to myself that our friendship wasn't strong enough to survive a petty fight. Things seem different with Audrey and I. It's as if we've grown apart. It's probably due to the fact that what's happening in each other's lives is not in sync with each other. I'm happy for her that she's found her match...and pretty soon she'll be living on her own. I wish things could go back to the way it all use to be. I wish we found the time for each other to just hang out...to chill.

Anyway, I attended my friends' daughter's birthday party at the park....and it hit me hard that we've reached that next step in our lives. Most of my friends are either married, involved with someone or married with kids. And I found myself in panic mode. Well I wouldn't say super panic mode...but enough to make me want to blog about it. I started realizing that in 6 months, I will be turning 29 years old. I'm almost 30 years old...no boyfriend....no committed relationship that will eventually turn into marriage and a family. I mean sure I get it...there really isn't a time limit or a right age to be moving into that phase of life...but today I realized I want "it". The "it" being...that next stage in life...that committed relationship....that would turn into marriage. I want the family....I want the kids...and the responsibilities that come with it. I want a baby.

I don't want to be that one family member that never gets married...finds herself all by herself. I mean sure I can definitely stand on my own two feet should something ever happen to my parents. And I don't mind the temporary Independence. But I miss it...I miss taking care of someone....having someone there for me when all my friends are too busy. And well the baby thing...I've thought it over and over in my mind....and I wouldn't mind raising a child on my own...should marriage not be in my cards. I've expressed my desire for a baby to my sister and she's reassured me that I don't need to be married to have a child. Perhaps she understands me...and she supports my ideas on single motherhood.

All I can do right now....is trust in God....trust that He's got a plan for me....and at the right time, He will reveal it to me.